The Art of Independent Fatherhood
Welcome to "The Art of Independent Fatherhood," the podcast dedicated to empowering and guiding single dads on their unique journey. Join me, certified coach Jay Rush as I explore the challenges and triumphs of independent fatherhood, offering practical advice, heartwarming stories, and expert insights to help you navigate single fatherhood with confidence.
The Art of Independent Fatherhood
Thrive as an Independent Dad: Embrace the Change
Redefining fatherhood and breaking down the stereotype of the 'single dad' aren't tasks to be taken lightly. That's exactly what we do in our latest podcast episode as we explore the empowering perspective of becoming an 'independent father'.
Forget what you've been told about single parenthood, this episode flips the script and provides a fresh outlook on the topic. We delve into the ethos and philosophy behind independent fatherhood and examine the critical role mindset plays in not just surviving, but thriving as a single father.
As a certified coach and advocate for single fathers I share my real-life experiences and practical advice to help you in your journey. We dive into the art of independent fatherhood, understanding that it's not about controlling our worst instincts, but being more mindful of the way we impact our children.
Plus, we discuss how you can benefit from my coaching and support services, including one-on-one coaching and group sessions. Get ready to challenge your understanding and positively impact your child's life by becoming a more independent, compassionate, and effective father.
Let's change the narrative around single fatherhood together!
See what Jay is up to at Jay Rush Coaching!
Hey guys, welcome to the Art of Independent Fatherhood, the podcast dedicated to empowering and guiding single dads on their unique journey. Join me, certified coach Jay Rush, as I explore the challenges and triumphs of independent fatherhood, offering practical advice, real stories and expert insights to help you navigate single fatherhood with confidence. What is going on, guys, jay Rush? Here it is Monday, august the 28th, beautiful, partly cloudy day up here in the central mountains of Colorado. Today, I want to talk to you about the ethos, about the philosophy, about the message of independent fatherhood. I'm calling this podcast the Art of Independent Fatherhood. In fact, everything I teach is going to fall under the banner of the Art of Independent Fatherhood.
Speaker 1:The distinction of independent fatherhood is so critically important because it's a mindset Mindset for surviving this new world that we live in, that we exist in as single fathers, as co-parents, is critical to not just surviving but thriving. Here it is there is a difference between a single dad and an independent father. From this point on, once you hear this definition, you are not allowed to refer to yourself as a single dad, unless it comes from a place of self-knowledge and empowerment. A single dad, as I see it, is almost a caricature of a beaten down, downtrodden, uncertain, aimless man without a plan. The single dad is the guy that owns that identity. I'm a single dad. Shit didn't work out. Now I'm fighting the current. I don't have a plan, I don't have support, I don't have a vision. There's nothing to buy into because I haven't offered it up to the universe. Versus the independent father. The independent father is empowered. He walks upright good posture, eye contact, assertiveness, presence, most importantly, compassion, kindness, self-direction. The single dad versus the independent father. Now you're starting to see the difference. You're probably starting to visualize what these two men look like. You're probably starting to understand what it feels like to walk around in these two separate bodies. I can tell you what it feels like.
Speaker 1:My single dad moments came in waves. They came in phases post-divorce where whenever uncertainty struck, whenever confusion occurred, whenever there was conflict, whenever there was sadness or depression, the single dad took over. My shoulders slumped. I was not assertive, I did not communicate my plans to the world, I didn't reach out for help or resources. I didn't communicate my plans.
Speaker 1:I was a single dad, like a single Adam, floating around in the ether, unconnected and unbonded to anything else and incapable of creating something fantastic, incapable of creating something powerful. And then I had an epiphany, and that was continue to live this life and you will feel this way forever. You will have resentment and guilt and shame and uncertainty and you will not be able to manifest anything of value because it will be coming from this place where there is no creativity, there is no productivity, there is no positivity. And so I said what should your life look like? What would a fully empowered life look like? And I had to use my imagination and say well, I may not feel like this right now, but what is the best version of me? How would the best version of me show up if he felt fully supported, if he felt not only loved from the outside but validated from the inside? What would this man be if he were the fully energized, fully positive, fully compassionate, fully creative version of himself? And I coined the term an independent father, and I coined the lessons in the philosophy of the art of independent fatherhood. And the definition is simple Independent fatherhood describes a state of empowerment that men must embody to parent their children with connection, love and purpose in any parenting dynamic, whether single, divorced, widowed, recommitted or currently married.
Speaker 1:But what does it mean on a deeper level? Independence suggests that we own our ideas and our thoughts and our conviction, despite the doubts and confusion and aspersions that may get thrown our way. Okay, so it gives us mooring, foundation grounding to move forward with confidence and self-love into a greater manifestation of not just fatherhood but living as a human being, as a man, as a co-parent, as a loving partner in a future relationship or an existing relationship. Independence suggests that we are free of dependency. Right After that's coming from a toxic codependency where there were a lot of psychological issues within the relationship or the dynamic. We can get away from that if we're intentional about independent fatherhood.
Speaker 1:Whether we were or currently in a codependent relationship with alcohol or drugs or some other avoidant strategy, pornography, working too hard, over-exercising, watching too much media, wasting time, blaming other people, we now get to imagine ourselves as a fully empowered version, free of those constraints. Now here's the wonderful thing about this philosophy this is not some draconian effort to control our base nature, to control our worst instincts. All it is is an ambition, which means that sometimes we're going to get it wrong. If we allow ourselves some compassion and some kindness and some leeway and some flexibility, then we understand that this path is ongoing. It's never ending, there is no arrival. You do not wake up one morning and say I'm the embodiment of independent fatherhood and there goes my single dad tendencies. That's not what it is.
Speaker 1:It's about a constant awareness of how we're showing up in the world, of how we're showing up for our children and the impact that we're making through our behavior, through our actions. It's understanding that the art of the art, part of it suggests almost like a Zen, buddhist way of looking at the world and parenting and co-parenting. It suggests that we can observe more and by observing more we can be more aware, and it takes us away from attempting to control everything. If we really recognize that that's the intent, then we also understand that control is usually based on fear. We start to pay attention to the stories that create fear in our lives, that elicit control and that create bad outcomes, whether or not we have a bad day with our kids and we wish we would have done something differently. We pay attention to what happened. We understand the root causes. This is the art. We have a conflicted interaction with our co-parent and we walk away feeling put upon or manipulated or angry or sad or resentful.
Speaker 1:We can go back and we can do the postmortem and say, okay, what were the root causes of this? How did I behave? How did they behave? What can I actually control? What is out of my control? What can I accept? What can I observe? What can I be compassionate about? It is the art form. It is a compassionate art form.
Speaker 1:This is what I want to offer you guys the definition of the art of independent fatherhood and how it is subjectively different. It is a subjectively different experience and an objectively different experience than being a single dad. Single dad falls right in line with I'm a divorced guy. It sounds a little bit like I'm a bum. I'm a loser, I fucked up, I messed up my marriage. Independent fatherhood says I own my new reality and I do it with intentionality and focus and in understanding that the way I parent now and the way I approach my parenting and co-parenting dynamic Makes the world a better place incrementally, not just for others, but also for myself and my daily experience. And maybe it pays to say it again we're not gonna get it right all the time.
Speaker 1:There are days where I woke up, wake up pissed off. I wake up self-indulgent. I wake up tired, lacking enthusiasm, lacking inspiration, lacking motivation. I wake up with angry stories about my ex-wife and my son's mom, I show up paranoid, depressed, anxious, but each time I do that because of the skills that I've developed as a coach, I'm able to go in there and say, hey, I don't really like this feeling and nobody else is causing this feeling in me, it's just me. So how do I change the narrative? How do I create something more constructive from an intentional place and Basically have a better life now?
Speaker 1:This philosophy probably creates a lot more questions than answers, so I want you to know that I'm available, I'm dynamic, I answer messages. If you want to reach out to me, if you have some questions about this, if you are curious about Coaching on an intentional level with me, you can reach out to me at jrushcoachingcom and go to the contact me page. You can also go to the work with me page and click the button to schedule a free Hour long appointment and we can just kind of talk about what some of your challenges and goals are. Additionally, you can also just message me at Instagram at J Davies Rush. Also send me some topics that you want me to talk about.
Speaker 1:I'm the only guy doing a podcast for single dads. I'm the only guy out there that's actually offering a philosophy for independent fatherhood. Out of all the coaches out there, nobody's given dads this resource. So I'm here for you, guys. I'm here for a long time, I'm not going anywhere and I want to hear from you. Let's do this better through the art of independent fatherhood. No more single dads. That's it for today's episode. Hey, did you know that I work with 101 clients? Did you know that I offer group coaching? Go ahead and go to my website and go to the page labeled how to work with me, and you'll find all the details there. You can also send me an email or you can sign up for a free discovery call. Finally, you can follow me on Instagram at J Davies Rush. Go ahead and send me a message and tell me what questions you have or what topics you'd like to discuss on the next podcast.
