Mastering the Art of Self-Soothing as an Independent Dad

Have you ever found yourself knee-deep in anxiety and loneliness as a single dad? Do you wish there was a way to not only cope but to thrive? I offer a lifeline in this latest episode of the Art of Independent Fatherhood. 

In today's episode, I walk you through a step-by-step process of recognizing and managing these emotional states. You'll hear me dismantle the misconceptions about loneliness and anxiety, and explain how to become less dependent on others. I also shed light on how to weather emotional storms and keep showing up for our kids. Whether you need guidance, support, or even just someone who gets it, I encourage you to reach out and connect. We got this, dads!

See what Jay is up to at Jay Rush Coaching!

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:02

Hey guys, welcome to the Art of Independent Fatherhood, the podcast dedicated to empowering and guiding single dads on their unique journey. Join me, certified coach Jay Rush, as I explore the challenges and triumphs of independent fatherhood, offering practical advice, real stories and expert insights to help you navigate single fatherhood with confidence. What's up, single dads, all you unsung heroes out there how are you guys doing? I'm doing pretty good, depending on the day overwhelm with emotion, knee-deep in challenges, creating new content, coaching one-on-one clients, creating my new group programs, walking the dogs or spending time with my son. You know how it is full days as a single parent, as a co-parent, as a divorced dad, as an independent father. Today I want to talk to you about something that comes up for me a lot.

Speaker 1: 1:02

One of the reasons that I'm exploring this topic is because, in going back in the post-mortem of my marriage and subsequent divorce and exploring why certain relationships work and certain ones don't, I always have to go back on myself. I always have to go back and look at myself. I never look at the other person. Well, I do, but ultimately the answers lie within. But one recurring theme was the idea of anxiety, loneliness and the ability to self-soothe, and I will tell you. First off, let's just dismantle the ideas of loneliness and anxiety. First of all, loneliness comes from the idea that we have to be with someone to feel whole, and anxiety comes from the place that our fears and expectations for the future are real and not just perceived or fantastical, not just fantasies. Both are untrue. We do not need to be with someone to feel whole and happy, and the sooner we learn to be alone with ourselves, then the less dependent upon other people in relationship dynamics we become. And then the idea of anxiety. What we have to get really good at is understanding that thoughts create our reality and that if we are worried about or obsessed with ideas of what could happen in the future and worst case scenarios and what ifs, we will live in a constant state of anxiety. Either way, as human beings, we are going to experience loneliness and anxiety, no matter how often we recognize it or how good we get at dealing with it.

Speaker 1: 2:41

And one of the best ways to learn to deal with it if it's going to show up all the time which it is is to learn how to self-soothe. Now, those of us that learned how to do it appropriately from our parents, this is not a problem. This is an a burden. In fact, you probably don't even have to listen, unless you want to pass this on to somebody else. But for those of us that did not learn this from our parents or even worse, our parents exacerbated loneliness and anxiety and left us holding the bag, here's what I can share with you today.

Speaker 1: 3:09

Self-soothing is the simple act of recognizing the feelings, recognizing the pain that the feelings are creating, and saying to yourself I can handle this, I can weather the storm, I can do due diligence and figure out ways to manage my anxiety and my loneliness, so that I don't have to blame other people in circumstances, I don't have to depend on people to fix me, cure me and soothe me and tuck me in at night. And once I learn how to do that, I can create space to worry about, concentrate, create and produce the things that matter in my life, to focus on my children, to focus on co-parenting, to focus on my work the more important work self-development or relationships. So, learning to self-soothe, step one is to recognize when you're in a state of anxiety or loneliness. Step two is to be able to tell yourself, no matter what it is, I've learned, I've got it, I can survive. Nothing up to this point has killed you yet. Keep that in mind. And step three is learning to breathe into it. Learning to let the anxiety and the overwhelming sense of exile or loneliness pass and be able to move on and then recognize that it's a temporary state. If you can do that, then all of a sudden you become whole and not all of a sudden. It takes some repetition, but you become whole and you're able to bring that whole self into future, healthier relationships.

Speaker 1: 4:42

If you want to know more about that, message me, send your questions and comments to the podcast website, take that with you, think about it and have a wonderful week. Love you guys. You're doing heroic work. Single dads and independent fathers Keep it up. That's it for today's episode. Hey, did you know that I work with 101 clients? Did you know that I offer group coaching? Go ahead and go to my website and go to the page labeled how to work with me and you'll find all the details there. You can also send me an email or you can sign up for a free discovery call. Finally, you can follow me on Instagram at JaydaviesRush. Go ahead and send me a message and tell me what questions you have or what topics you'd like to discuss on the next podcast.